Monday, March 29, 2010


Since my divorce 10 years ago, I have dated a little here and there. It only took a few dates after my divorce was final while my daughters were still living at home for me to know that dating could wait. My girls had been through a lot and I did not want to take any more time away from them than what I had to now that I was working full-time. I would rather spend a Friday night with them than trying to get to know some goofy guy where the relationship would probably never go anywhere anyway! There’s a lot of wasted time & energy going through the dating process. It wasn’t the time to waste when I had two daughters at home still trying to heal. I found myself often sitting across the table listening to an extremely boring guy ramble about how awesome he was or talking about his boring work. More than once, I also found myself wishing I was back at home with my daughters munching on a big bowl of popcorn watching a good movie, as I stifled a yawn.

When I weighed out the best investment of my time, getting to know a lousy guy or giving my daughters stability as they readjusted to the new family structure, I knew I would rather be with my girls. A relationship and marriage would come in time and I was not in any hurry. Marriage is no picnic; it takes a lot of work and dedication. I also needed time to heal ~ my trust level was suffering a tad. So my children and I healed together.

I also knew that if I had fallen in love with someone that I could not jump into a marriage. I had to be certain and it would have to take time to be “certain.” I did not want to short change my girls or a relationship with an awesome man -- trying to divide my attention and time. Working full time, there were not many hours left in the day.

However, with all that being said, I did keep my options open. I wasn’t looking for a relationship but if an exceptionally great man crossed my path, I would accept a date. I am here to tell you though that there are not a whole lot of exceptionally great men out there at this age. They’re all married to wonderful wives! :) The ones running around not married at this age are rejects! LOL! I’m being silly but I believe there is some truth in that statement!

There was one man that I fell for before my daughters grew up and left home. At that time, my boss at an insurance company that I worked for felt I was a wonderful gal who deserved a great man and was determined to find “him” for me. My boss was the top insurance agent in the region and knew a lot of people. He found the “great” man. I was not sold on the idea of a blind date (as it was my first). He finally convinced me ~ I went out of duty more to my boss than anything else. Ended up, this guy was pretty wonderful. He was an incredible gentleman with a big heart. However my walk with God was a high priority….and he did not believe at all. Long story ~ short, we went our separate ways…. Did I mention that he was a multi-millionaire….money is not everything, you know! In the meantime, I am living on a shoestring! :) ...Still no regrets though!

After the girls were grown and left home, I met another man….almost married him! Yikes, I am so, so glad I didn’t!!! I will save that story for another time….I have to get to work!


Rebecca said...

I haven't dated anyone since I started dating my husband back in January 1977. I'm afraid I'd crawl into a hole and never come out if I suddenly found myself alone. I KNOW I'd be scared out of my head I'd end up with some no-gooder and he'd take me for everything (what little there is) I have.

One thing is for sure...when we allow God to guide our steps we can't go wrong.

Thinking of you this are beautiful and I'm quite sure Mr. Wonderful really IS out there for you somewhere.


Carolyn said...

Ahhhh! Thank you for your words of encouragement, Rebecca! I cannot agree with you more in having confidence of God be the best provider possible! I am content either way - single or married. There is a someone that I haven't described yet. It is in the extreme preliminary stages so I won't be posting much on him just yet. :)

I have to admit that I almost thought there were no good men out there...until I started looking at all the blogs several months ago and there are tons of very happy, married women out there blogging! :) That is awesome & encouraging!

Thanks again!

Cheryl said...

I commented earlier about sharing a similar history to you Carolyn, becoming suddenly single certainly has its challenges.
Trust is the most difficult to re-capture. God works in His time, and I am now married to the most wonderful and trusting man - and your time will come too. I was 40 when my ex revealed his many affairs, and almost 50 when I remarried. Enjoy your journey of discovery of new r'shps and memory building with is the best! God has the most wonderful plans for you yet to be His time.
Cheryl xo

Carolyn said...

Hi Cheryl,

I have to agree that trust is very hard to re-capture and also a very valuable & instrumental trait in a relationship! We take it for granted until it is destroyed and then we realize how important it is in order to have a good relationship.

I am so happy for you that God has blessed you with an awesome husband after going through a previous heartbreak. I know God's timing is perfect and I have always believed He knows what is best for me. I love the fact that He sees the big picture and I can trust Him as I follow His guidance!

P.S. Hey, when are you going to start your blog? :)